Today the Wolf Project brought 870’s body out from where she passed away, 9 miles north from Slough Creek entrance, and laid her out in the exact position in which they found her and told us the story about the beautiful place she chose. Under a tree, with her back to Slough Creek and her head in the sun. She was perfectly dry and absolutely nothing had disturbed her or preyed upon her body.
They told the story of what they found and Rick talked about her life, to a large crowd of visitors. And they gave us each a private moment to say goodbye. I have images but will save them for the end of the story, just in case you don’t want to look.
As I write this I am an emotional wreck. 870 meant so much to me – so much more than I can describe and she made me re-examine my life and my attitudes. I know it is because of her that I got the courage to finally, at last, live my life my way, no matter what anyone thinks.
Yet, I got this awful feeling today, that some were angry because I loved 870 too – as if they did not feel that I had the right to love. They did not feel that I had a right to be in Yellowstone and so it should not surprise me that they would feel it necessary to recognize my right to emotions, caring, feeling and grieving. But, it does surprise me because we are in a national park and everything within its boundaries belongs to all of us. It is the one place, besides our own homes, where we all know we belong, regardless of our color, beliefs, sex, nationality, economic status, education, who likes us, etc.
One thing I know with all of my heart is that no one, no other visitor, has more right to see, watch, photograph, love and mourn these wolves than any other. 870 taught me that – she taught me to be authentic and true to myself and she continues to teach me to live life in the difficult times, without complaint.
So, when I received a message from a friend in the wolf project that 870 would be coming out today, I was so very relieved to have the chance to say goodbye. Though, I was worried that she would be scavenged and that would be hard to see. When 925 passed away the ravens and eagles went for him immediately, but not so with 870 – they all left her alone so she could come home to us and let us say goodbye. I believe it was meant to be.
After 870’s neck was injured two years ago, I heard her story but did not know who she was. At the time I was not one to watch wolves miles away through a scope, nor was I welcome in the groups who watched them. And, so I heard her story and was immediately captured by her.
And then one day I found her bedded in the Peregrines, barely able to move due to her injury. She was a long ways off and I watched her through a scope. She grabbed my heart that day and silently I pulled for her and watched for her. Every once in awhile I would get brave enough to ask about her. I went back to her several times that day and she was the first wolf that I watched through a scope because her plight was too huge to ignore. She had 869 with her that day and he was so covered in mange that he could not get comfortable and so he was up and down.
The two of them, along with another pup – a black one – often traveled together and went behind the pack cleaning up carcasses. We all marveled at her ability to keep going and always worried about them getting enough food but they managed somehow. I don’t know what happened to that beautiful black pup – he was frighteningly gorgeous – but do believe that 869 passed away. I always wondered if they were 870’s pups but the pack, the Junction Buttes, were so new, we did not know.
870 recovered enough to re-join the pack and eventually become alpha once again. And, she had 5 pups in 2014. Five of the happiest pups ever – she was a great, easy going mom and nothing much ever seemed to faze her. As of a couple of days ago we had begun to worry that all five pups were dead. We already knew that 2 were killed, and that possibly a third had died. But, then the remaining two disappeared and had not been seen for more than 2 weeks.
Miracle of miracles, both pups were back with the pack today and were playing as hard as ever. Both pups were healthy and happy. And, so were we – happy, ecstatic, delighted. I could not contain my excitement about the pups being back on the day that their mom would be carried out to say goodbye. It was quite ironic because the Prospects were on one side of the road and the Junctions on the other. I think that life has a funny way of happening.
I have never been good about touching dead animals but I caressed 870’s head and cheeks, felt her skinny body and knelt down to give her a kiss. Tears stung my eyes and a lump was in my throat. I touched her collar and smiled that it would no longer be a part of her. She had a beautiful coat and she looked well groomed, as if she had prepared herself for this moment. In my heart I believe that 870 chose a place to lay down and close her eyes one last time and that she is finally at peace.
I met David Meech today and he was very practical and said that if we are going to love these wolves we have to learn to lose them as well. He is right – these animals are only with us for a short time and they live such wild and violent lives that we are lucky to get to know them at all.
RIP 870, I plan to live the lessons you taught me – and will work hard to live the rest of my life without apology. You made me a better person – someone I am proud to be today, regardless of the opinions of others. I know that, had you known me personally, you would have liked me as well.
Deby
Much further below, about 7 down, there are images of 870 from today. If these will bother you, please do not look. I don’t mean to offend anyone but know that many people want to see her.
thank you, Deby, for sharing this with us. It meant a lot to know she was handled with such love and respect.
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Even in death she is truly magnificent and I am so grateful, despite the tears I am shedding right now, for all you have done to share not only her life but her final days for us all to able to honor and give her the lasting rest she so deserves. Thank you to those who so carefully respected her memory even in death and to so carefully and tenderly handle her remains and allow her to have the memorial she deserved. Thank You to the Wolf Project and you, Deby, who identified, and rightfully so, magnificently with this courageous soul we will all miss.
Boy that hurts! You did a good job of telling the story, letting your emotions out as we humans are able to do. She was a gorgeous creature and deserves the accolades. Thanks for sharing your feelings as well as the photos.
Sob…heart full. Beautiful photos, sweet girl.
What everyone else said. I cried the most when I saw you tenderly touching her. I am so glad you got to say goodbye.
So hard to read thru tears, and the pics, while peaceful, causes such an ache in my heart!! Thank you Deby, for sharing!! She’s at peace and pain-free!
Sue
Thank you for making us a part of this memorial to 870. We ache with her loss but know that we must be able to be resilient enough to protect the other wild wolves. RIP 870.
Deby, thank you for this beautiful tribute. Please do not ever let anyone make you doubt the way you feel. How you feel about 870F is in your heart. I really appreciate all the stories and the pictures and I know she is at peace. Hope you are too. Keep doing what you do. Hugs!
Deby thank you for such a beautiful tribute to 870F. She had a hard life but I hope some happy times too. I pray she wasn’t suffering all these months and I remained hopeful that she would recover…but that wasn’t going to be and I am happy she got to choose a beautiful spot for her final resting place with a beautiful view and died with dignity. Thank you for sharing the memorial service with us…it is helping me in mourning and celebrating her life. I am very happy you got a chance to pay your respects to her, touch her and let her know how much you love and respect her. It is because of you that the rest of us know, love and want to protect these wolves…never forget that when the times get difficult. We love and support you and appreciate the time and effort you take to make us feel like we are with you in Yellowstone!
Thanks Deby for the closure. David Mech was correct, yet a compassionate person can’t just turn off feelings like a light switch. I photograph them and follow their individual stories, I rejoice at the opportunity and yes I become very attached. I’ll mourn their loss as well, its part of the process.
Thank you Deby, may 870 rest in peace, and may her spirit run free in her beloved Yellowstone.
Thank you so much for this wonderful story about this gorgeous courageous wolf. Tears streaming down as I read and saw her photos. They lead such hard lives in and out of their packs. I am glad she choose such a beautiful spot as she closed her eyes. These are proud animals of our YNP and I thank you for the wonderful photos and stories. I truly am attached here in Michigan! Hugs!!!!
Thank you, Deby.
Thank you Deby for the wonderful tribute to 870. She was beautiful in life and in passing. She was an amazing wolf and am so glade you got to say goodbye. Rest in peace sweet girl ….
Deby, Thank you so much for sharing this little memorial service for 870F with us. It really is helpful for me in dealing with her passing. Though it wasn’t a shock as we knew she was out on her own with little physical prowess my head was turned towards the Prospects, Junctions and Lamars. When I heard of her death I felt a bit guilty that I hadn’t been thinking of her. Some how I feel that is what she wanted, her privacy in passing away with dignity and with a view- my that is a beautiful view she had from the Peregrines and possibly from the spot she had in passing- she appreciated a beautiful landscape. Am so glad you had the opportunity to hug her and see her one last time. I hope she was watching from above and feels the love we all had for her. I think we know from 926’s behavior that wolves do indeed mourn and she understands that we (you) being there were mourning her passing and celebrating her sweet though physically difficult life. Thanks Deby for your caring heart and flowing words – guard them and keep them . Remember you are surrounded by scientists. I know the wolves lives can be short- average in the wild is about 4 years and there is pain in losing them but so much love and joy in knowing them. You are one of those that bring their wonderful stories to us. Thank you for that. I am glad to know that though 870 had physical pain she was whole and beautiful to the end. Now she is running through the green sage, grass valleys and protective forests of heaven. Maybe she will see Big Gray and they can talk of Yellowstone.
Thank you Deby for the beautiful photos of 870 and of the view from her final resting place. I wonder if she knew how lovely her home was? Your tribute was very touching. Thank you so much for sharing such personal feelings.
Thank you so much Deby for sharing the final chapter in 870s life. xo
Beautiful, Deby. My heart aches for you, and I am so glad you got to see her and say goodbye. She looks as though she died peacefully.
Take care of yourself, Deby, and to thine own self be true-always.
Sweet little girl. Rest in peace.
Thank you Deby xx
Thank You Deby for sharing a beautiful tribute. She is at peace.