YELLOWSTONE'S WILD WORLD

I wrote this today, thinking it was already my birthday.  Boy am I getting old!  Just some camping experiences, in the July cold and some thoughts about watching the wolves.  Please do enjoy this free post.

I have a birthday coming soon. In fact it is tomorrow. At the moment, I am sitting in tent, in a rather comfortable reclining chair. On the table beside me is my computer, a backup drive, vaseline for my lips, a monitor cleaning cloth and a bottle of water. My 20 year old down sleeping bag is draped across my body, a pillow on my lap holds the iPad on which this story is being typed.

We are expecting a storm tonight, with temps in the low 30’s and possibly some snow at 9000 feet. I might see snow on the tall mountain peaks that surround the area of Cooke City, MT, as I am shivering in tomorrow’s cold air. But, for now, I have a little propane heater in the tent and it is warding off the chill of this evening. The rain is falling and it sounds especially frantic against the tent walls.

My eyes droop with fatigue and my body slumps with weariness. Running on empty and unable to prop the eyelids open I slip into my tent bed. A folded mattress from my travel trailer, precariously rocking on top of an airbed that must be filled every night. But my mind is chattering and so I reach out from under the sleeping bag and two down quilts and grab the iPad. Since this camping trip began I discovered the Kindle app, where my books had already been uploaded. I began reading a book by my friend, Boyd Lemon, and am quite enjoying it – the story and the ease of using the iPad as a book. Just think, a computer, many books, music, pod casts, movies and s

o much more on one thin little device, making life and travel so much easier.

Several chapters later I am no closer to sleeping and have decided to continue reading, rather than watch a movie. I need to edit photos and write some updates by my head is sort of park boggled at the moment. So much coming in at me and I am confused. Has my focus on the wolves taken me from my work, or is that my work? And, ultimately, what does this intense and public study do to them, the animals? Will it make them so outrageously popular that they will never get a moment of peace? Will I ever get a moment of peace from wanting more of them, and from the ugly politics that surround the, in and out of the park?

Tomorrow is my birthday and I give myself an early gift of an evening off from the Lamar Canyons and the search for them. The hoping, waiting and answering questions. It is wet and cold out there and, believe it or not, I am quite comfortable in my tent. A little cold and I don’t like the trip to the outhouse, but the simplicity of life is a gift that few experience. The lack of responsibility for home, telephone and internet is soothing to me.

But, as I read this book the nagging feeling that I am wasting my potential by not being on task, tears at my mind. The exhaustion has taken hold but it sort of feels like a good tired. Like hard work and being outdoors can do for a person. Who wouldn’t want to challenge themselves to being comfortable living in a tent? Who wouldn’t cherish the quiet, the solitude, the fresh air and unpredictability of living outdoors? Just now a forceful wind shuddered over my tent and it swayed in a circle, as if dancing, before being released from the current grip of this storm. It is July 28, 2015 and it feels like an early or late winter evening. At the moment I feel as though it would be wonderful to spend a few days in my tent, reading, writing, sleeping, watching movies…but I know that my thoughts would always be on the wolves and wondering what they were doing. What others are seeing. I hate missing anything but the reality is that one can not see everything.

I am still in shock over seeing the two pups so close – to really get to see a wild wolf pup without squinting through a scope.

Time to doze…

It is now my birthday and is indeed cold and wet. The rain came most of the night, though I slept well until early morning when the electric heater just could not keep up with the damp air.
I had turned off the Lil Buddy propane heater before going to sleep at around 10:30 because the smell bothered me. I had originally purchased the heater while living on the coast of Washington where the power went out on a regular basis. It was not a good idea to wait until the power outage to find some source of heat because the little Ace Hardware in town would be empty by noon. And, often the roads off of the sand spit of land called Ocean Shores would be flooded by the heavy rains that came with the wind when it marched in off of the Pacific Ocean and the end of the earth. There was only one way in and one way out and so preparedness was the essential ingredient to survival. But, even back then I was worried about using my indoor safe propane heater without a window open to bring in more cold. And, so I turned it off, thinking it would be easy to get up and re-ignite the heater if necessary, but it had been impossible to get out from under the covers.

It was 5 a.m. and I quickly dressed and left the tent and campground. The seat heater was on and the heat going full blast, but still, several hours later, my feet are cold. At my age, camping by myself on my birthday and with no where to go but to look for non-existent wolves, seems a little senile and eccentric but it is what I do. Perhaps there is something wrong with me. At the very least I am weird and so fiercely independent that I am harming myself by rejecting the outside world.

Once again the Lamars were not home and I sat in the parking lot, having arrived late, for awhile, casually looking but mostly trying to edit some images of the Wapiti female. My camera and I did not do well yesterday and I am terribly disappointed by what little turned out. My back has been hurting and so I have taken to sitting more, which would be great – getting on the same level as the animals, if the grasses weren’t so tall. So, the photos of a morning that filled me with joy, finally getting to watch just a bit of wolf/bear interaction, turned out to be frustrating. Plus, sunshine and the wolf’s white coat are not a good mixture. She was much darker last year and even more so as a yearling but now looks very much like her mother, the White Lady.

Much to my surprise, my favorite parking space was empty at that late hour but I hesitated to park there because someone had chastised me the other day for “always” getting that spot and demanded to know if I was arriving at 4 a.m. It is true that I get the spot a couple of times a week but in recent days others had gotten there first, which was no big deal because there was still room in the same general area. Parking is first come first serve but it is hard enough to get up by 4 or 4:30, let alone be in the valley by that time, even if camping, and definitely not worth the trouble just for a certain parking spot. And so I laughed at how shallow this person is that he has to worry about where I park while others can be in that spot all they want with never a weird word said, shrugged my shoulders and parked. If I lived my life to please some of these folks I would never be in Lamar Valley, or in Yellowstone for that matter, and never see a wolf. If my presence irritates some in such a petty way then I must be doing something right by raising some legitimate issues. In my opinion, life is not a popularity contest but one that is judged by the substance of integrity, compassion for the small beings and the desire to make things better. Besides, it is my birthday and I can park where I damned well please. The day is quiet and lonely enough without someone else’s insecurities rattling around in my brain.

But, the thought that I should be doing something a little different on my birthday was nagging at me. I really wanted to go to the Tetons but worry about getting so far from Lamar. Finally, after extracting a young man from the den closure area, I slowly drive east. The casual drive was quite pleasant with no other traffic to push me faster. The NE section of the park is quite beautiful but because it is rare to see much wildlife in the thick trees or out in the small meadows that meander along Soda Butte Creek, I generally rush through.

I needed coffee and hot food in a fiercely troublesome way and did not feel like standing out on a wet pullout to boil the water or put the ingredients together. There is a small, charming restaurant not far from the park that serves food of high quality, organic ingredients that would be a perfect fit for my birthday morning. The service was a little grouchy and it was tough to get my coffee, cream and honey in the beginning. The spot of honey was too tiny for my tastes and I went to the car and retrieved my own jar. No one should be expected to go without honey on their birthday. So, she was short with me and finally I just blurted out.

“It’s my birthday so please just be nice to me.” She kind of laughed and I said, “No, seriously, please just be nice.”

She got it and in place of the toast I got a generous helping of fresh fruit with peaches! Who would have guessed that I would get some sweet and juicy peaches here in the backwoods, amongst the tall mountains that are now covered with snow?

Oh, the fruit is so good! The sweet juiciness of the orange is out of this world wonderful. The restaurant was full when I arrived and some have come and gone during my stay in the cold corner of the restaurant. A coat is draped over my legs and one is on my body.

As if on cue the owner came in and noticed me all bundled up and turned the heat on. The furnace is right next to me and so I thought that it might be a tad warmer here. But, what a sweet thing to do! And, now that the crowd has thinned the wait person is much friendlier and attentive. It sounds like she is working long hours and not getting enough time for play.

I just received the best birthday gift! A small paper bag with a couple of peaches from the wait person. Now, that is what I call special and already my day is warmer and more alive.

The owner might have recognized the red coat draped over my legs because they sold it to me two winters ago. The down Rabb jacket, of hideous coloring, had been on sale and they were nice enough to allow me to take the jacket that day, even though I could not pay for it right away. The kindness of strangers and thinking about them often, during that cold winter, warmed me often.

Perhaps I will drive to the Beartooth and try one more time at finding mountain goats for my birthday…

That reminds me of the hotel room that I splurged on two years ago, at the Top of the World. I have slept in my car in the Sister’s Wilderness and camped in a tent on my birthday many times but nothing has been worse than that dreary room. I stayed there for a good chance to see the goats on my birthday morning, and get some mountain sunrise shots but when I looked around the room, well before dawn, it felt like hitting rock bottom to be alone in such a place.

I left and did thoroughly enjoy the sunrise on the Beartooth but could not find the goats anywhere. And, so I went into plan B and headed for the wild horses near Cody, Wyoming but did not find them either. I went unprepared and looked in the wrong place, where I became disoriented and lost. Thanks to Facebook and a signal, I was guided out to safety and got to enjoy the horses the next day, which is when I met Lansa, the colt born on my birthday. And, so plan B was one of the most special days of my life – finally getting to see horses in the wild.

I am still a spoiled, expectant kid at heart who wants something special for my birthday, even though getting older does not appeal to me any longer. Long ago I reconciled myself to lonely special days and the need to do something nice for myself. Though, the addition of Facebook in my life has made the days more meaningful with hundreds of birthday wishes and special notes. I have not checked the internet yet but will do so soon. It is much too cold to sit outside and do anything. And, I am most likely wearing out my welcome at the restaurant, but the sparse crowd is probably saving me some. Some on their motorbikes just came in and said it was cold. That is an understatement.

Actually, the restaurant staff has been quite generous with the little corner I am sitting in and have asked me not to hurry away. The room is warmer now, though someone said it is 34 degrees at this time. And, the Beartooth is closed! Guess that means no goats for my birthday this year either.

If nothing special happens today, aside from this wonderful steak and egg breakfast, I have had a wonderful wolf week. Lamar pups up close, 755 and Lady Love for hours. Grizzly and wolf interaction. And, some wonderful time with good friends. And, quite honestly, despite being so cold, my decision to tent camp, rather than using my trailer, was a good one. I am exhausted but not frazzled from traffic and dealing with weird tourist stuff. Most who have come to see the wolves have been delightful and interested and they have been a gift.

But, that brings me back to the question, is this interest in 926 and her family healthy for the animals? For, if someone is watching then everyone comes and not all will have the same intentions. Is it the job of the Lamar Canyons to educate and give people a deeper understanding of the true lives and jobs of wolves? Is that why we see the story so clearly and come to care so deeply? I know that, in reality, some of the animals have to have different lives so that humans can care about them and know the truth about them. Some get to be wild and free, without human interference, while some are hunted, hatefully, by man. And, some we come to know in hopes that the flame of hatred diminishes in the next generation. Reality is never ideal…

I will leave this story for now, with a quote from the book I am reading, “A Long Way to Contentment,” by Boyd Lemon. Thank you Boyd for writing with such clarity and awareness. I am hoping that this story ends with some contentment because it will give me hope that mine will as well.

“…it is the freedom to do what we love that brings fulfillment, not the acquisition of things or public recognition. Avarice for material goods results in the goods possessing the possessor…”